Rescuer – Persecutor – Victim triangle

I genuinely like helping. I prefer giving a hand up to a handout. However sometimes I need to stop and ascertain if I am rescuing someone when they could help themselves. One situation moved from me rescuing to me feeling bad and abused.

What happened there?

I learned about the rescuer – persecutor – victim triangle. It’s a vicious cycle as you move from one role to another in an unhealthy relationship. The only way out was to break free by removing myself from the rescuer role. This then removed me from becoming a victim.

Since then I have learned even more and that I can retain the relationship but not get caught in the triangular trap. I can shift the dynamics. “All” I needed to do was make a shift in my own responses – and the rest followed.

I know I can move from rescuer to coach, utilising questions and setting boundaries; from victim to problem solver reflecting on what goes well and being grateful; from persecutor to challenger being firm and fair and clear on whose problem is it.

The video below explains it particularly well.